


Fallen Angel - CURRENTLY ON HIATUS

by itchyfingers



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationships, Gen, PTSD, Superpowers, but not for a while, but we're not starting from a happy place, consider yourself warned, maybe even some smut, maybe some fluff eventually, superheroes never have happy backstories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:11:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itchyfingers/pseuds/itchyfingers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CURRENTLY ON HIATUS</p><p> </p><p>Angel grew up in a white supremacist group based on Nordic legends. When she finally manages to escape, she joins S.H.I.E.L.D. But she has secrets she hasn't shared with anyone. And coming face to face with the Gods she had forsworn is going to cause a crisis she might not be able to handle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set post Avengers in an AU where Loki has been sent back to earth in Thor's custody to prove that he has learned his lesson. His punishment on Asgard was severe enough where Loki and Thor both refuse to discuss it.

Angel leaned her head against the glass and looked out the windows at the sun hovering low over the horizon. The Helicarrier was far enough out over the Atlantic Ocean that the glowing orb was sinking into water rather than land. She didn’t particularly care where they were; it was enough to know that they were far away from everything else.

She had never seen anyone else in this large room on the very top level of the Helicarrier. Room was probably an overstatement – it was more of an industrial loft, steel girders and glass with a floor, created by engineering necessity rather than design. It was the one place on the vessel Angel felt truly relaxed; being able to see the empty ocean surrounding her added to the sense of serenity.  Up here she felt truly alone.  She sat, curled up on one of the ship’s girders, with a book in her lap. The constant quiet thrum of purring engines through the metal of the ship created a relaxing mindless drone as she read, and she appeared perfectly at ease, even though she had carefully picked a spot with her back to the window and an eye on the door. She was halfway through a chapter when she heard distinctive footsteps in the corridor outside.

Angel ignored him as he approached.

 “So, this is where the Angel hides from the lowly mortals.”

She kept reading.

Loki sat down next to her, bracing his back against one of the window’s other reinforcing steel columns, and watched her. Angel resolutely kept her eyes fixed on the book in her lap. She turned the page though she wasn’t sure what the last paragraph had said. She was not going to engage him.

After several minutes, he said, “You know, I could make that book disappear.” His voice was low; it wasn’t a threat, just a statement. Without looking up, she replied, “You know, I could make your teeth disappear.” Her voice was as neutral as his.

His laughter surprised her. “Aren’t you a feisty little thing?”

She finally looked up at him, tucking a finger in her book so as to not lose her place. Giving in to the inevitable, she asked, “What does Fury want?”

“What makes you think Fury sent me?”

She gave him a look familiar to anyone who has ever dealt with a teenager who thought she knew everything. “Because in the six months I’ve been on this Helicarrier, I’ve come up here to read almost every night, and I’ve never seen anyone else. You’ve never talked to me once on the occasions where we have worked together and now you’re here and you want my attention. I don’t believe in coincidences.”

He let out a little huff of approval. “So, why do you think Fury sent me?”

“Is this another one of those pysch evals that he’s been sending me to? Because based on what he’s had me do over the last few weeks, he’s concerned about my loyalty to SHIELD, my ability to work in a team setting, and my acclimatization to being a free operative.”

“And why do you think he sent  _me_?”

She let her eyes roam over his face. “Blind leading the blind?”

“You think Fury doubts my loyalty?”

She snorted. “I think Fury doubts Coulson’s loyalty; don’t take it personally.”

Loki looked at her, curiosity growing in his eyes. “Can I ask you a question that Fury didn’t send me to ask?”

“It doesn’t mean I’ll answer it.”

He nodded. “Why do you hide out up here? It would seem that if you truly wanted to be left alone, your room would be a better choice. At least in your quarters, the door locks.”

She looked out the window. From here, the top floor of the helicarrier, she could see forever. As the sun sunk into the ocean each night and the stars appeared overhead, she felt free. Four walls and a door felt like a prison if she couldn’t see out. “I like the view,” was all she said.

“Are you this recalcitrant with everyone or am I special?” he asked, irritation barbing his words.

“Would it make you feel good if I said you were special?”

“Only if it was the truth.”

“The God of Lies asking for truth. That’s special.” The sarcasm dripped from her voice like blood from a wound.

“You really are a petulant little bitch, just like everyone says. No wonder you’re always alone. Do you hide up here to convince yourself that you are a loner by nature, rather than a horrible damaged miscreant that no one cares about?”

“Yeah, well, as long as the job gets done, it doesn’t matter if people like me or not. Surely you can appreciate that.” Her words were like razors.

“You are surprisingly cold for a human. Even Romanoff has Barton for companionship. I thought all humans sought love and friendship.” He spoke the words like they were vile perversions. “It seems to be the main theme of what passes for music and art in this world.”

Her forehead wrinkled in irritation as if having to deal with a particularly obtuse child. “Why would I choose to become friends with someone if I or they could die any day just from doing their job? Doesn’t that seem stupid to you? If I were an Asgardian like you or Thor, then it might be justifiable. But just because you have the love of your brother doesn’t mean the rest of us are lucky enough to be family to immortals.”

“You are mistaken, Angel. Thor does not love me. I am merely a duty to him.” He looked away from her, out the window at the indigo hues of the darkening sky.

“For someone who claims to be a god, you sure are stupid.”

“What did you say to me?” His anger was palpable as he stood, looming over her. Even without his armor, he was still imposing. She stood as well and got up in his space, smacking her book against his chest. Loki was impressed that she would literally stand up to him, especially as small as she was. She only came up to his shoulder, and was much lighter in build. She looked like her namesake, with pale skin, large blue eyes, and platinum hair. The almost punk pixie cut she sported somehow gave the impression of feathers.

“I said, for a god, you sure are stupid,” she enunciated carefully. “If you honestly believe that Thor doesn’t love you, you are either a moron or you’re lying to yourself. And while there’s poetry in the biggest victim of the God of Lies being himself, I’m not sure the universe is that interested in karma, so my vote is on stupid.”

His hand was suddenly around her throat, his long fingers encircled her neck. He didn’t apply much pressure, just enough for her to be fully aware of what he could do if he so desired. “I would be careful about insulting a god,” he hissed.

“I’m not, I’m just insulting you,” she spat back, anger showing in her eyes for the first time. The anger didn’t surprise Loki. The complete lack of fear did.

He squeezed. “I could break you.” His eyes were even colder than his hand around her throat. He knew he must look a bully, standing ominous over her in her faded Green Day shirt and worn out jeans, but he was tired of the constant hatred and distrust he was subjected to by these humans instead of the respect he deserved as a god.

“I know.” The corners of her mouth curled upward in a small smile. “But you won’t.”

“How do you know that?” His voice was bitter.

“Because I have a secret.” She smiled.

His grip loosened slightly.

“What interest could I possibly have in your secret?” he asked.

“Because you love secrets. Almost as much as Thor loves you.”

His jaw clenched. “You try my patience, Angel.”

“Let go of me, and I’ll tell you.”

He slowly released her. He waited for her to step back, but she didn’t. She just looked up at him. “I know what the greatest treasure in the nine realms is.”

“And what is that, child?” One eyebrow arched in a perfect display of skepticism.

“Love.”

He laughed, the mocking sound ringing back from the rafters.

“Shut up and listen to me,” she said, her eyes narrowing. He noticed her hands had clenched into fists at her side, white knuckles contrasting with the dark green of the bracers that covered both forearms from wrist to elbow. “Love can make you or break you, and it almost broke me, and believing you didn’t have it almost broke you, and I’m tired of watching you torture yourself and your brother about it.”

“He’s not my brother,” Loki insisted, looming over her.

“You are just adding to the stupid comments of the day list, aren’t you? Some brothers are genetic, some aren’t. But he loves you more than any other person in Yggdrassil. The illusions you master have only served to fool yourself.” She threw the insult in his face. Before he could respond, she yelled, “Thor, get in here!”

Thor sheepishly – if someone of his size could be described as doing anything sheepishly – walked into the room from out in the hall. “How did you know I was listening?” he asked.

“Well, first, you’re not exactly the quietest person in the world, and second, Fury wasn’t going to send him,” she nodded at Loki, “upstairs to interrogate a tiny little 19 year old girl without some supervision. And since Banner would just throw him out the window if he tried anything, and Stark is in New York, I figured you were the logical choice.”

“You are wise, daughter.”

“Yeah, you  _really_  need to stop calling me that.” She looked at him in exasperation.  “Please?”

Loki looked confused. “Daughter?”

Angel held up her hand in a hushing motion. “Just stop it.”

Thor shut his mouth.

“Okay, I’m trying to prove something to Loki here. He says you do not love him,” Thor’s face clouded over and he opened his mouth but Angel repeated her shushing gesture, and he closed it again.

“Thor, I want you to think about Loki. Don’t say anything, just think about him.”  Thor closed his eyes. Angel watched him for a moment, and then turned back to Loki. She was still in his personal space, stubbornly refusing to cede him any ground. She looked up at him and said softly, “I’m sorry, Loki, and yet I’m not.” She raised one hand and brushed his cheek softly with it. “I want you to think of Thor.” And she stepped back.

She wasn’t sure what to expect. There was a moment of no reaction, and then Loki looked like someone had punched him in the stomach, all his breath leaving as he doubled over. He looked from Angel to Thor and back again. Tears formed in his eyes as years of anger faded from his face, leaving him with an expression of childlike innocence. He looked back at Thor. “Oh brother, I am so sorry.” He crumpled to the floor and began sobbing quietly, a heap of long limbs and shaking shoulders.

“What have you done to him?” Thor sounded confused. Here was his brother apologizing as if he meant it, but also crying as if his heart has been broken. He knelt next to him and gathered the smaller man in an embrace. “What did you do, Angel?” Anger and confusion warred in his voice.

“I just helped him see the truth. He knows now that you love him, that you’ve always loved him, and he’s going to have to figure out how to reconcile the things he has done with that knowledge.”

Angel picked up her book and hurried from the room, leaving the two gods in a pile on the floor behind her. She returned to her quarters, locked the door behind her, and slumped against it, sliding to the floor. She had no tears left to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for discussions of past rape, violence, suicide, child sexual abuse

The next morning, Angel sat at a table by herself eating breakfast. She had washed down a couple of extra-strength painkillers with her coffee this morning hoping they would help her deal with a splitting headache, but she knew they wouldn’t come close to touching the pain she had inside.

She could tell Loki had entered the mess by the way the noise rippled around her, like he was a rock thrown into a pond. He flung himself down in the chair opposite her. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night. “Fix whatever it is that you did.”

She just looked at him blankly and continued eating her pancakes.

“I know you did this,” he scowled at her. “Now fix it before I flay you alive.”

“Empty threat. You’re here on probation. You do anything like that and they will ship you back to Asgard in a muzzle before you could blink.”

“I could hurt you more than you can even imagine before anyone could stop me. I could make the damage you’ve suffered in your past seem like the sweetest lover’s embrace compared to the agony I could inflict.” The malevolence in his voice was undercut by the clamminess of his skin and the bruised looking skin under his eyes.

“Yes. You could.” The pancakes sat like a rock in her stomach, cold and unmoving. She stood and took her tray to the drop spot, dumping the uneaten food in the bin before leaving the empty dishes on the conveyor belt to be taken back into the kitchens. Loki followed her out of the mess and grabbed her by the shoulder. Fighting every instinct to grab his wrist and twist it behind his back, perhaps cracking a few bones in the process, she halted.

“You have to undo this,” he hissed. “I can’t function like this.”

“It would stop hurting if you would just accept it.”

“So Thor loves me. That doesn’t fix everything.”

“What doesn’t it fix?”

“You want me to be some happy prancing git? To give no more thought to the wrongs done me, not by Thor but by others? Your little trick doesn’t just magically conjure a new world where everything sparkles and glimmers with your faith in the power of love. Let a master illusionist persuade you that reality doesn’t work that way.”

Noticing the glances being shot their way by others passing them in the hall, Angel opened the door closest to her and walked inside the empty conference room. Loki followed her inside and shut the door behind him.

“Now fix this barbarism, you foolish child.” He towered over her and would have backed her up against the wall if she had been willing to cede him any ground.

“I will not fix anything. To remove this would be to make you more broken than you were before.”

 

“Why did you do this to me? Why couldn’t you have just left me alone?” His fist clenched in anger as if he wanted to punch her and the only thing holding him back was that she was the only one he knew that could fix the affliction with which she had cursed him.

“You were miserable.”

“I was fine! I knew who I was!”

“You were living a lie.” She threw the words at him, a lion’s snarl against his snake’s hiss. “At least now you know that whatever else you have to face, your brother loves you!”

He wanted to scream at her, to yell “He’s not my brother!” but he couldn’t. Just the thought made him flinch in pain as the force of his brother’s love pounded against his bruised psyche.

“That doesn’t fix everything,” he mumbled, looking fragile and betrayed.

“It helps.” She sank in on herself as Loki watched. “I would give anything to hear my brother tell me he loves me again.”

“You have a brother?”

“Had. All I have any more are hads.” She shook her head, shaking off the memories that threatened to engulf her. “I will not apologize for what I did to you, Loki. I will not apologize and I will not fix it.” She pushed him out of the way but as she moved past him, he grabbed her by the wrist.

“Then make him feel what it was like for me growing up in his shadow.”

“Fine. Bring him to me this evening.”

***

Angel knocked on the unfamiliar office door and waited until she heard Fury call out for her to enter. She opened the door and was surprised to see not just Director Fury, but all of the Avengers and Loki sitting around a conference table. Agent Coulson was also there, standing next to a door on the opposite wall.

“Angel, you’re here because you’ve used an unknown ability to assault two agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. You are to explain yourself. I have called the Avengers to hear you out because if I decide not to drop you off the Helicarrier from 30,000 feet, you will probably be working with them in the future. I’ve also given them permission to neutralize you if you decide not to play nice. Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir.” She had known something like this was going to happen. You didn’t muck around with demi-gods’ brains and expect there to be no consequences, especially when Thor had spent much of the previous night loudly apologizing to Loki and trying to convince his adopted brother of the good intentions of Odin and Frigga, and of his own enduring love for Loki.

To those sitting around the table, Angel didn’t seem like that formidable of an opponent. She had on the standard tight black uniform but all it did was emphasize her slight build, and throw her pale skin and hair into stark relief, making her seem like a phantom.  She didn’t carry any weapons with her. The only thing that distinguished her from any other agent was that her uniform top was sleeveless and the arm wraps that she constantly wore.

“So, explain yourself.” Fury snapped at her.

“What do you want to know, sir?” She focused on a spot in the center of his forehead. It made her appear to be looking him in the eye, but kept her from actually having to meet his gaze.

“What did you do to Loki and Thor?”

“I helped them communicate with each other to resolve an ongoing problem that was harming long-term agent stability, sir.

“Cut the shit, Agent.”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did you do to them?” he repeated, biting off each word like it was the head of an enemy.

“I let them feel each other’s feelings, sir.”

“What does that mean?”

“I believe the term you would use is empathy, sir. I can feel what other people are feeling. I can also project those feelings so others can feel them.”

“So, you can just feel what anyone is feeling?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Whether they want you to or not?”

“It depends. Some people are better at being private than others.”

“Can you feel what everyone in here is feeling?”

“If I chose to, though not everyone in here is as equally loud.”

“Hmmm. Do you have a way of shutting off this empathy?” She could practically hear the air quotes.

“Yes, though again, some people are louder than others and take more effort to be ignored.”

“So, demonstrate your ability.”

“Sir?”

“Tell us what we’re feeling.”

“All of you?”

“Yes.”

She started at the left of the table.

“Dr. Banner is skeptical. He feels I am making crap up because there is no scientific evidence that extrasensory abilities exist. Mr. Stark is wondering how much longer before he can leave because he’s hungry. Thor is still confused about what I did to him, though he’s also glad I’m helping with Loki and would like you to stop picking on me. You’re wondering how to weaponize me. Barton is wondering what sex would be like if he could know what his partner was feeling, Romanoff is unreadable, as usual, Captain Rogers wants to hear me call him sir, and Loki is pissed off at me. Still. And Agent Coulson has to go the bathroom.”

Coulson looked at her, “No, I don’t.”

Angel returned his stare cooly.

“Fine, I do. I’ll be right back.”

He opened the door and left. When the door shut behind him, she added, “He doesn’t really, but I made him feel like he needed to.”

Fury almost looked impressed.

“So, you can make people have to go to the bathroom,” Stark remarked. “Am I supposed to be scared?”

“I don’t make them have to go to the bathroom. I make them feel like they have to go, and that’s different.”

“I still don’t see why I should care,” he replied, as Coulson walked back in the door, a confused look on his face.

“Well, yes, but if I make Pepper  _feel_  like she’s sick and tired of all your macho bullshit and lack of gratitude for all the work she puts in to Stark Enterprises and she  _feels_ like she should just up and leave your ass, maybe you would care then.”

Stark’s jaw clench as he bit back a retort.

“So, you’re like Loki, then. You get in people’s heads and mess with them,” Steve asked.

Angel looked at Loki to see if he wanted to respond. When he made no move to do so, she answered, “Correct me if I’m wrong, Loki, but I do not believe Loki can actually get inside your head. However, I think I am more receptive to a person’s emotional status than he is. I believe he works more off of body language and manipulation. I can actually make someone feel something.”

Loki made no move to correct her.

“I still don’t see how this is going to help in a combat situation,” Stark muttered.

“That’s because S.H.I.E.L.D. does more things than they call you in on,” Angel replied. It’s a lot easier to sneak into a building when the guards all suddenly feel the urge to take a bathroom break, or call their girlfriends, or check out that noise they think they heard. I wasn’t trained to be big and flashy. I was trained in…target acquisition and removal, shall we say.”

“You’re an assassin.” Dr. Banner was blunt.

“Yes. Among other things.”

“Who trained you?” Romanoff was curious. She had worked out with Angel in the gym before and had been impressed. Angel wasn’t as good as her, but she had a lot of potential and was considerably younger. She hadn’t realized that Angel was anything other than a standard S.H.I.E.L.D agent though.

Angel looked at Fury. He nodded. “I think everyone needs to hear your story. “

Angel took a deep breath. “How much of it?”

“The whole thing. Rumors are already flying around the carrier; it will help for you to have these guys on your side.”

Angel sighed.

“My name is Valkyrie Thorsdottir.” All eyes in the room flicked to Thor speculatively. “No, he is not my actual father.” She sounded exasperated. “But he’s part of the reason I just go by Angel. It’s less confusing.  I was born in a small town in Norway that was a recruiting stronghold for the organization known as the Army of Asgard. They believed in the Norse legends and were set on preparing the world for the return of the old gods, who would usher in a glorious age of Nordic superiority. My parents belonged to this organization. When I was three years old, I was identified as having an above average intellect and physical skills. I was removed from my home and sent to a small facility where I was trained. Languages, martial combat, weapons, physical conditioning, and a loyalty to the Gods and the Army of Asgard. I was ten years old when I made my first kill. No one suspects a child.” This statement, delivered with complete lack of emotion, triggered surprised looks from many of the people sitting around the table, though not from Romanoff.

“After that, I was sent on many missions. I was also trained in chemistry, biochemistry, physiology and anatomy. I started being sent out on missions that were longer and longer. I was sent to a house where I was sold as a sex toy to men who liked young women. I would drug their alcohol with slow-acting poison. I was thankful for the opportunity to be Thor’s Hammer on these government officials who acted against those loyal to the cause of Asgard. I was thirteen.”

“As I spent more and more time out on missions, I started to realize that the world was not the way I had been taught. I learned that there were people not of my race who were good people, and I started to learn that there were many families where children were loved and cherished and allowed to play. I started to question what I had been taught. And I hated myself. I hated myself for being tainted by the world, for doubting in the Gods and in the rightness of our cause. I started praying to the Allfather that I might be cleansed of the sickness that I had. I was fifteen.

“I prayed for years. I made sacrifices. I obeyed with exact obedience every order, every rule I was given. My prayers were never answered. I invoked every member of the pantheon I could think of and was met with resounding silence.  I knew then that it was all a lie. The next time I was sent on a mission I refused to go. The head of security brought my 12 year old sister to my room and broke her arm. I went on the mission. Any time I questioned or hesitated, they would hurt one of my siblings. They told me if I didn’t come back, they would kill them all, slowly and painfully. I knew they would.

She hadn’t been looking at anyone while she was talking, just standing with her hands clasped behind her back, staring at the clock on the wall facing her. Now, she started to slowly unwrap the arm bands that she always wore.

“I knew that as long as I was alive, my family would never be safe. I decided that the only honorable thing to do was to kill myself. I was almost 18.”

She dropped the arm bands on the table and turned her arms over. On each arm, there were three long thick scars, reaching from her wrists almost up to her elbows.

“It almost worked. I had to have six blood transfusions over the next three days. I remember not being in my body. I must have hallucinated because I saw an old woman with a pair of enormous scissors standing in front of me. Not normal scissors, but the fancy ones that look like a stork. She was holding on to a piece of rope that stretched out behind and in front of her. The section she was holding was badly frayed. She said, ‘It is not time for this thread to be cut.’ She spat on the rope, and ran her hand over it and it was almost whole again, though it still showed the signs of wear. Then she spat on her hand, and touched my head with it, like a holy woman anointing someone, and it burned worse than any pain I have ever felt in my life. And I woke up in a bed in the compound’s infirmary. It took me several weeks to get my strength back.

“On my eighteenth birthday, the head of the organization came to me. He brought my 14 year old sister. He raped her in front of me. And then he handed her over to his friends. For forty eight hours, they raped my sister and made me watch. And as awful as that was, they were inflicting something worse without even knowing it. Ever since I had woken in that hospital bed, I could sense people’s emotions. I couldn’t block them out. So I felt everything she felt. All the pain and shame and hatred and fear and how much she hated me for causing this to happen to her. And she was right. It was my fault.”

Her voice cracked for the first time.

She paused and took a deep breath. “I could also feel how much the men enjoyed what they were doing to her. When they let her go, she went home and she killed herself.”

Angel swallowed against the lump in her throat, refusing to let the tears in her eyes fall.

“I discovered I could project feelings completely by accident. I was eating in the mess, and I saw one of the officers harassing one of the young women who were serving food. I wished that he could feel what she was feeling, and he suddenly got the most uncomfortable look on his face and left her alone. I thought it was a fluke so I tried in other situations, and it always worked. I also started experimenting to see if I could block myself from other people. I figured out how to do that as well. It was a relief to not always have to listen to everyone screaming their feelings at me.”

“I was allowed to go visit my family on a regular basis. They wanted to keep me emotionally invested in their well-being. One morning, I went to their home for breakfast. When I walked in, I knew something was wrong. There were no sounds, and in a family with seven kids, there is always noise. I couldn’t smell any food cooking. I went into the kitchen and my mother wasn’t there. I went upstairs. They were all dead. My parents, my little brothers and sisters, everyone. They looked like they were just asleep, but they were dead. Clutched in my mother’s hand was a note. ‘Valkyrie, we did this for you. We have no future while you are alive, so we die that you may find life.’ All of their names were signed on it.”

There were tears silently streaming down her cheeks at this point, but her shoulders were steady.

“I ran. I had no idea how long I had before they would be discovered. I took all the cash I could find, a couple changes of clothes, a laptop, food that would keep and my parents’ car and I just headed south, as fast as I could.” She started putting her arm wraps back on. “I found a cheap hotel room in a tiny shore town. I started searching online for someone who might have any use for a skill set like mine that I actually thought I could work for, and that could get me out of the country. I found out about S.H.I.E.L.D. and I called the number and explained my situation, and six hours later there was a helicopter landing in the parking lot. They brought me here, and I’ve been here ever since.”

She looked at Director Fury. “That’s my story.” Fury and Coulson were the only ones who knew her whole story. Thor had known a little bit of it. They had actually sent him in the helicopter to recover her, hoping that if the group she was fleeing caught up to them, that the presence of one of their gods would make for an easier escape. Everyone else only knew her as a junior agent who had been advanced because of her skill set. Now they all knew why she had gathered a reputation as standoffish and reserved.

There were varying degrees of surprise on the faces in the room, she noticed. Romanoff was impassive, as usual. Thor looked angry, though she could tell it wasn’t at her. Loki looked…repentant? That was new, she thought. Stark was the first one to recover.

“So, you think Thor and Loki are gods,” more of a statement than a question.

“I did at one point. I no longer believe them to be so.”

“But, they’re here. What’s not to believe in?” he retorted.

“In your head you believe that you are a god, but it doesn’t make it so,” she replied.

Stark laughed. He turned to Fury. “I like her. Can we keep her? She can be my feisty sidekick. I need a sidekick.”

“No, you cannot keep her.” He turned to Angel, “You are not to use your abilities on anyone without express permission from me, is that understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re dismissed. We need to decide what to do with you now.”

“Yes, sir.” She turned on her heel and left the room. She fled to her windowed chamber on the top floor, desperately needing to see out, to see the horizon, to not feel trapped. She was trapped, though. Especially now that they knew what she could do. Fury wasn’t one to let a potential weapon like her out of his hands. Not without a fight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for violence, gore, sexual violence, discussion of rape

She was staring out the window on the top floor when she heard Thor enter her aerie sanctuary.

“Daughter.”

“I said stop calling me that.” Her shoulders were slumped in resignation.

“Valkyrie.”

She stiffened. She hadn’t been called that in months. Her family had been the only one to call her by her given name. “What do you want, Thor?”

“I swear that what they did to you will be avenged. I will fix this.” His anger was palpable as it washed over her, pounding against her like she was a nail under a hammer.

“You can’t fix it, Thor. You can’t just make my entire past go away.”

“I can make them all go away. They pervert the name of Asgard. I will not let this offense stand!” She slammed up her mental walls, needing to remain calm. Letting herself soak in his anger wouldn’t help the situation.

She turned to face him. “Most of  _them_  don’t know any better. They’re children and women who are terrorized into staying by husbands and fathers. They don’t have any options, they don’t have any choices at all.” She swallowed back the acid that was rising in her throat. “That’s not actually true. Women have one choice. To be an assassin. The leaders don’t trust that kind of training to the men because the other officers fear it would be used against them so all their assassins are female. All of my trainers were female. It’s the only way to have any power, any control at all over your own life if you’re a woman; and the need to have even the tiniest bit of control when you’re trapped in a situation like that will make you do the most horrible of things.” Her voice was bleak as memories of what had been done to her in the name of training flashed before her eyes.

Thor looked even more upset. “This is wrong! Women can do anything! Sif is a strong warrior who has fought beside me many times. My mother Frigga is a prophetess who has seen the entire future but refuses to tell what she has seen. Freyja rides among the fallen slain in battle to choose the worthy. Skäol strikes hearts into the fear of all who hear the wolf cry. We honor and love our children.” Thor thought of his own children, and how much he had enjoyed watching them grow to adulthood. He missed them while being here on Midgard, but knew he had responsibilities, as did they.

She sank in upon herself, confused and defeated. “Thor, I’ve never heard of Sif or of Skäol or of Freyja. Frigga does not speak because Odin commanded her to be silent as an example to all women. Women are to have children, and to obey the will of the Allfather and her husband. It is only through obedience that we have a chance to achieve Valhalla.”

He bent down so his head was level with hers, staring her in the eyes. “You cannot believe that; tell me you do not believe that, Valkyrie,” he insisted.

She sighed, “What does it matter? Valhalla isn’t for me; Fòlkvangr neither. They never were.”

“What do you mean? That is not your choice to make.”

“Assassins are not warriors. We are sneaks. We do not kill honorably. We are not worthy to be chosen for glory,” she explained calmly.

He grabbed her by the shoulders, and she flinched back from him. “You are worthy, Valkyrie. You fought as hard as you could once you learned the truth. You almost died trying to protect the people you loved. That is honorable.

She wrenched herself out of his hands. “Almost doesn’t count. My family is dead because of me.” She spit out the words, tendons straining in her neck. “My sisters were battered and raped because of me. I have done nothing but bring pain and suffering to everyone who has ever loved me, and then I ran away like a coward. I could have gone back! I could have killed so many of the people who hurt my family, who are still hurting other people. But I’m a coward! I ran and I hid. I killed like a coward, and I ran like a coward, and I live like a coward now.

“You are not a coward,” he bellowed.

“Then why didn’t you come rescue me?” she screamed back. “I had finally decided that it was just because the gods weren’t real and I gave up believing and then finally, after my family went through hell because of me, after I almost killed myself, after I finally escaped, you showed up! You were real! It isn’t fair, dammit!” She pounded her fists helplessly against his chest. “Why didn’t you save me when I asked? I prayed for years for your help and when you saw me, you didn’t even know who I was! What did I do wrong?” Her voice cracked on the last word and she slumped to the floor, like a marionette whose strings have been cut, hopelessly sobbing. “Why didn’t you save me?”

Thor knelt beside her on the floor. “I’m sorry, Valkyrie. I didn’t know. But I do now. And I want to help.” He reached out to hug her, but as soon as he touched her, she jerked awayfrom him, skittering backwards across the floor until she was backed up against the wall. Her pupils were blown wide with fear as she stared at him, her sobs being replaced with the terrified breathing of someone staring at their own death. “Pl-please, just leave me alone. Don’t hurt me and just leave me alone.”

“I would never hurt you, daughter.” He put a hand on her shoulder and immediately yanked it back as he was blasted with an invisible wave of fear and terror. “Valkyrie, stop this immediately! I will not hurt you.”

She grabbed her head in both hands, rocking back and forth. “Leave, just leave, just leave, just leave.” She muttered it over and over.

Thor backed away. He watched her for several minutes but she did not uncurl from her protective huddle. Concerned and not knowing what to do, he went to get help. By the time he had returned with Tony, Angel had flown the nest.

***

Steve’s face was creased with distress, even though he was sleeping. His clenched fists were wrapped around the controls for an airplane he was flying in his dreams. The familiar nightmare of him ditching the jet in the ice had his body reliving the last minutes of his previous life. The stoic determination to do what needed to be done wrapped over the heartbreaking voice of the woman who knew he wouldn’t make their date and kept him on course. The façade began to crack, fear seeping in around the edges of his mind. The safety restraints in his seat locked into place and he couldn’t move. He strained against the ripstop webbing but it wouldn’t come undone. His hands were yanked away from the controls by invisible hands and steel handcuffs materialized from the ether, clanking coldly against his wrists, and snicking into place with icy finality around the seat rests of his pilot’s chair. He watched, helpless as the plane spun out of control. Pulling with all of his might, he fought against the forces keeping him place as the fear metastasized into terror, undoing his mind from the inside out. Screaming in desperation, he thrashed against the buckles and ropes chaining him in place. His heart hammered against his ribcage with bone-shattering force, adrenaline slamming into his brain with ice picks of impending destruction. Liquid warmth saturated his groin and then the invisible hands shoved a stick of dynamite, burning and hard, up into his body, tearing through the skin behind his balls that had tried to crawl back into his stomach. The countdown echoed through the empty plane, forcing him to listen horror stricken as the words licked wetly at his ears, each number making the explosives throb in anticipation.

Three

Two

One

It exploded, shredding him, helpless, splattering bits of who he used to be like so much bloody hamburger and skeletal shrapnel around the cockpit…

…and he shot upright in his bunk, a thunderous scream of terror grating his vocal cords, the torn pieces of his blanket in his hands.

 The terror didn’t fade. His body continued to tear apart. He fought the phantom hands holding him down and threw himself out of his bunk to land sprawling on the floor. The searing pain continued; a voice screaming in pain and betrayal slammed into his head, forcing him to squeeze his eyes shut as the banshee wail shattered into stabbing beams of light, spearing through him and leaving open wounds bleeding down his arms.

He fought against the pain, staggering to the door of his room and threw the door open, stumbling through it and sprawling against the wall opposite. He shook his head, trying to make the poltergeist lightning show leave him alone long enough to look for help. Other agents were in the hall, all under the same attack that had rendered him almost helpless. Some were fetal on the floor, other staggered towards him, one hand on the wall, the other clutching their head or their groin. A quickly moving figure caught his attention and he turned to see Natasha running towards him, her mouth screwed shut in anger as fear and tears glassed her eyes.

“It’s Angel. She’s broadcasting a rape.” She kept running down the hall to where Angel’s room must be. He staggered after her. Barton grabbed him by the arm and kept him upright as they followed her.

As they got to Angel’s room, they saw Thor and Loki pelting down the hall towards them.

“What is this invisible terror that is attacking us?” Thor yelled.

Natasha tried the door to Angel’s room but it was locked. Thor slammed his fist against the locking mechanism and it shattered. Natasha kicked the door in, handguns in both hands. The door hit the ground with a resounding thud and they saw Angel. She was curled up in her bed, every muscle taut and standing out in painful definition against her skin. Her arms were wrapped around her knees which were pulled up against her chest. Tears coursed down her cheeks, trailing into the pain lines around her mouth. Her brow was so furrowed that the lines across her forehead could have been carved by an amateur stonemason.

“Angel,” Thor bellowed, “stop this!”

There was no response, just her eyes rapidly flicking under her eyelids and the rasping sound of her breath coming in wild sporadic gasps.

Natasha holstered her guns. “Shit, she’s having a nightmare.”

Thor crossed her room in two steps and grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her. “Wake up, daughter. You’re having a nightmare.”

Her eyes flew open and focused on the face of the enormous man looming over her in her bed. They rolled back in her head and she collapsed.


End file.
